by Lisa Aiken
As a child you probably received a sweater or an article of clothing you liked a lot. However, to your dismay, you soon outgrew it, and had to replace it with a new, larger one.
We learn our first prayers and notions about G-d when we were still children. But, unlike our old sweaters, how many of us have discarded our childish notions of G-d and prayer and replaced them with more mature ideas?
Imagine you are a three-year-old child, and you want a piece of cake. Your considerations are simple: "I want cake. I'm entitled to it, and I must have it!" From a child's viewpoint, the major function of parents is to gratify his wishes. When they don't, the child feels angry and deprived.
Now imagine yourself as the parent. You know that if the child will eat the cake, he would get sick or lose his appetite for nutritious food. How would you feel declining the child's request? How great is the difference between the child's feeling and that of the parent!
One fundamental difference between how children and adults view the world is that children filter the world primarily through their emotions, while adults rely more on their intellect to make sense of their experiences. Our emotional view of G-d is often like a child who wants, and we often feel angry at G-d for hurting, frustrating or ignoring us. These feelings are reactions to our perception, not to the reality of how G-d acts toward us.
We cannot know G-d's motivations. Therefore, when we react to G-d's denying us what we want, we must rely, at least in part, on our intellectual understanding of His behavior, and also on trust in Him.
The Serpent's Curse
G-d created us with the need to pray, giving us a vehicle by which we can forge a relationship with Him. In the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we learn how the serpent enticed Eve to eat the prohibited fruit, and she then gave it to Adam to eat.
G-d punished Adam, Eve and the serpent. Adam and Eve were expelled from Eden, and Adam had to work the soil. The serpent was cursed by having to eat the dust of the earth.
But what kind of curse was that? Earth is everywhere: no matter where the serpent is, he has plenty of food! The curse was that the serpent was now self-sufficient. One who is self-sufficient will never approach his Creator to ask. G-d was so upset with the serpent He wanted as little as possible to do with him. In contrast, G-d desired humans to turn to Him with requests.
Self- Improvement through Prayer
Prayer is not only a request for physical and material needs, but also a vehicle to transform ourselves into more refined persons. When we lack something, we should do some heavy thinking. What is it that we're missing? Do we really need and want it? If we get what we desire, will we use the gift to elevate us spiritually? Without this process, we might simply use our blessings to satisfy only our physical and material desires.
Prayer also allows us to forge a relationship with G-d and make Him a reality in our lives rather than an abstract concept. These are the benefits that the serpent, and people who think they are self-sufficient, miss out on since they feel no need to connect with G-d.
Verbalizing Prayer
A tenet of Jewish prayer is that it is not enough to "think" a prayer, or to have a certain feeling in one's heart toward G-d. Jewish prayer requires people to actually say the words.
Why? Why can't we just meditate and communicate with G-d by thinking?
One of the greatest challenges of any relationship is in effective communication. Many married couples love each other but cannot communicate that love. Love and communication are not synonymous. If a husband can't express his love to his wife, or vice versa, the love may erode and eventually be replaced by aloofness or even resentment.
It's not enough to worship G-d only in our heart. We must also communicate our thoughts and feelings verbally, or they cannot enable us to deepen our relationship with Him. When we say what we feel, G-d becomes more of a reality for us, and we show a deeper level of sincerity about the relationship. No normal person speaks out loud unless someone is listening. Our verbalization concretizes for us that G-d really hears what we say.
G-d Meets Us Halfway
As much as we yearn to reach G-d who at times seems inaccessible, G-d yearns, as it were, to respond to our strivings. Prayer is not a one-way street. Once we start talking to G-d, we show we are trying to access Him. G-d responds by allowing us to feel His nearness and His reality. The more we allow ourselves to let go of our privacy and share our innermost selves with G-d, the more we overcome the distance we feel between ourselves and Him.
Reprinted from Jewish Matters: A Pocketbook of Knowledge and Inspiration, Targum/ Feldheim, 1999, (www.jewishmatters.com)
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