by Ted Roberts

My bold rabbi loves my challenging questions. “Ted,” he asks, “any arcane questions today?”

We go to his office where he keeps, in a drawer, his wife’s delicious plum cake and often a beverage that inspires our conversation.

Now that I have him in a mellow mood, I begin. “Here’s a tough Yom Kippur one.”

“I’m ready,” he says, sipping his beverage. (This plum cake is great, maybe I should pretend to be even dumber.)

“OK,” I begin. “Picture an evil guy - not a Hitler, Haman or an Arafat, G-d forbid, not a thug, just a consistent no-goodnik who keeps none of the mitzvahs. He loves pork, works his lawn on Shabbos and visits his local bar thrice a week, including Friday night, where he takes the name of the L-rd in vain for three-four hours.

“And if the bartender gives him change for a twenty instead of a ten, he keeps it. And don’t look so disgusted YET - that’s not all.

“He cheats on his business associates, and has no time for his kids. (Remember that section on Talmud - Baba 3, I think- that teaches us to read stories to our kids at bedtime, wipe their noses, and listen to their problems like I do every night.) In short, this is not the Jew who sends Light of Zion out into the world. And he doesn’t worry at all about his High Holidays scorecard. An “A” or an “F” - he cares not.”

My rabbi nods.

“One day,” I continue, “this ethically imperfect Jew takes a cruise with several fellow devils where they plan to gamble, drink, violate the Sabbath, and toss around the L-rd’s name like a five dollar poker chip.

“But Rabbi, they say that man proposes to play golf, but G-d disposes of clear skies and sends a storm. This guy’s ship hits an iceberg – OK, another ship.

“Our sinner is shipwrecked. For a full year he sits on a rock pile and exists on raw fish as his entree and palm leaves for salad. He can’t even make a fire. He mistreats nobody, there’s nobody to mistreat. He cheats on no one, there’s no one to cheat with this side of Miami. He doesn’t even curse; what fun is it? Who’s to hear?

“He fully keeps the Shabbos; no car, no fire, no TV. He doesn’t muzzle his ox - he has no ox. He doesn’t sow his field with two kinds of seeds - he hasn’t a single seed to his name. Get the picture?

“Our ex-ethical thug, as Yom Kippur rolls around, is now a Righteous Tzadik!

“Now, here’s my question: Is he inscribed in the Book of Life? Does the Judge of mankind give him a gold star, with a past record as crummy as stale pound cake?

“Please, Rabbi, don’t tell me that nothing has changed, that he’s still propelled by an evil heart. Because you explained me one night over plum cake and schnapps that Judaism focuses on deeds, not intentions. Nobody has a pure heart - it’s how we control our evil inclinations that spring from our human heart - that’s what counts. Action. Ex-prez Jimmy Carter “who lusted only in his heart,” wouldn’t be condemned by us, right?

“So, Rabbi, what’s your answer? Has our protagonist redeemed himself?”

Now you, dear reader, why don’t you raise this question to your rabbi?

Syndicated in the Jewish media, Ted (shirlr@hiwaay.net) happily responds to reader’s comments.